get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
