I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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