My underwear smells like fireworks.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
