Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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