In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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