I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
