i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
