she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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