Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
this boner is exhausting
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
