Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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