i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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