I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
