everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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