did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
