Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Who died my cat blue again?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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