I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
