just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
