Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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