I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
