dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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