1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
