that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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