after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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