You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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