Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
