YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
