hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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