I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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