The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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