I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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