Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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