At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
