This is not my ceiling
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
