Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
