Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
