just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
