I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
40s are totally the cure
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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