I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
