I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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