She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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