The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
