this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
