she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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