Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
