If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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