If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So squirting runs in the family.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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