It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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