How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
