i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
