Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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