you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
